


All That I Wanted Was You

by melodicchaos



Category: Frühlings Erwachen | Spring Awakening - Frank Wedekind, Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: M/M, hanschen teaches max sign, i do love hernst though, its soft and then whoops surprise, kat uses bare quotes in spring awakening works, theres not enough max and hansi even though its canon if you read Wedekind's spring awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 19:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17946008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodicchaos/pseuds/melodicchaos
Summary: His name was Max. Hanschen knew he shouldn't-couldn't-love him, but he was absolutely infatuated with him.And everything just went downhill from there.**Or, how Hanschen and Max fell in love, and how they fell apart.**The title is, as I said, from Bare: A Pop Opera, from the song "Ever After."





	All That I Wanted Was You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hotdamnitsrenee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotdamnitsrenee/gifts).



> Upon reading Wedekind's Spring Awakening, I was intrigued with Max and Hanschen's relationship, despite there only being the one line about Hanschen being at Max's deathbed with "brain fever" (while a real thing, it sounds like absolute bullshit to me), so here we are! Max is still dying of an illness, but I never disclose what, so that's up to interpretation.
> 
> Renee, the person this work is gifted to, also wrote an amazing Max and Hanschen and then Hernst fic, which made me cry in the middle of English class so if you haven't read that, I would do that.

He sat in front of Hanschen in class. Bright red hair that was shorter on the sides, but longer on the top. He ran his hands through his hair at least every five minutes, and had big brown eyes Hanschen could fall into and get lost in. Freckles covered his skin like constellations, each one unlike the next. He was stupidly charming, even as a young boy, as well intelligent. 

His name was Max, and though Hanschen knew it was wrong to love him, he was absolutely infatuated with him. Boys weren’t supposed to love other boys, everyone knew that. Father Kaulbach told the church that every week during his sermons, men would marry women, and anyone who didn’t do that would be damned to hell. 

But Max was...something unreal. They became closer than anyone in the school, closer than Melchior Gabor and Moritz Steifel, or Otto Lammermeier and Georg Zirschnitz. Hanschen and Max were practically joined at the hip, and with that, wherever one went, the other followed. 

Over time, the two began to learn more and more about each other. Hanschen learned about Max’s love of the piano, and Max discovered Hanschen’s love for his two sisters, despite how often they got on his nerves. The two bonded over music, both their love for listening to it and writing it, and Hanschen taught Max various small phrases in sign language. 

It was their secret language, Max grinned, even though most of the children in town could sign. 

There was an orchard nearby Max’s house, and every day, without fail, the two boys would spend hours in the orchard, talking for hours about anything and everything. 

“Teach me more signs, Hansi,” Max pleaded, leaning against a tree with his legs in Hanschen’s lap. 

“Hmm...well,” Hanschen frowned in concentration, before picking a flower from in the grass. “This means flower,” he explained before touching his thumb to his fingers and touching his hand to either side of his nose. 

Max reciprocated the sign, looking to Hanschen with hopeful eyes. “Like that?” he questioned. 

“Perfect,” the blonde nodded. “Now...hm...this means rainbow,” he stated before forming his hands into the shape of fours with his palms in and arching one hand up and over. 

“Like this?” Max asked, trying the sign himself. Hanschen shook his head, fixing his hands before letting Max try again. “Oh, there. Thank you.”

“Okay, now, this means special,” Hanschen said, forming one hand into the shape of a one, and using the index and thumb of the other to pinch the index finger before lifting both hands. 

Watching Max succeed at learning signs made Hanschen’s whole face and mood light up, despite everything seemingly going wrong around them. School was getting harder every day for the two boys, and while Hanschen seemed to excel, Max fell behind. 

“Teach me one more before we have to leave?” Max asked, pulling his legs closer to him before sitting cross legged. 

Hanschen sat in thought for a while, before smiling slightly. “Alright, last one,” he nodded, before putting up his index finger and pinky and extending his thumb. 

Max copied the sign, cocking his head to the side in confusion. “What does that mean, Hanschen?” he asked.

“I’ll fingerspell it, see how well you remember your fingerspelling,” Hanschen grinned, before spelling out the words.

“I...love...you…” Max recited, studying Hanschen’s hands as he spelled. The two boys paused, sitting in silence for a moment, before Max spoke up. “You do?”

Hanschen nodded his head. “I have since we started becoming friends. I just thought I should tell you, even though it’s bad and such.” 

“No, no, Hansi, I love you too,” Max confessed, as Hanschen leaned over and kissed Max sweetly. “We better head home,” he whispered against Hanschen’s lips as they pulled apart.

 

Secrets. That was all Hanschen had in his life was secrets. While his relationship with Max drew closer, the relationship Hanschen shared with his parents began to slowly chip away. Night after night, Max and Hanschen would sneak out to the orchard, spending hours talking, or simply lying together in the grass. Herr and Frau Rilow continued to wonder why their eldest child was always so tired in the morning, despite sleeping well and having a clean bill of health. 

Herr and Frau von Trenk wondered the same thing, however their son did not have the clean bill of health Hanschen did. Max’s health began dwindling, and fast. Which, Hanschen couldn’t understand because one day Max was fine, and the next he was sick. Extremely ill, as in his mother banned Hanschen and Max from interacting anymore out of fear of worsening Max’s health. 

They still wrote to each other, sending letters back and forth to the other multiple times a day. However, Max was getting worse by the hour, and no doctor could explain why. It had reached a point to which Max’s letters had gone from four or five a day to one or two, then to none. Eventually Hanschen gave up, ignored everything Frau von Trenk had told him, and marched up to the von Trenk house.

“Hanschen Rilow, I told you that you could not see my son anymore,” Frau von Trenk said firmly upon answering the door. 

“Frau von Trenk, I understand that, but I need to see him. Please,” Hanschen pleaded, before slipping inside. He climbed the steps two at a time to Max’s room, before throwing the door open. “Max,” he breathed. 

“Hansi?” Max croaked, buried beneath piles of blankets. He seemed to be a shell of the person he used to be, dull and lifeless. His bright red hair, the red hair Hanschen had fallen so deeply in love with, had faded to a dulled copper color, as well as his eyes lacking any of their former spark of life and joy. His skin was nearly translucent, and overall he just looked terrible. 

“Yes, Max, it’s me. Finally. Your mother refused to let me see you, but I’m here now,” Hanschen made his way over to Max’s bedside, kneeling down beside the bed. Max limply gave Hanschen his hand, which Hanschen took and squeezed. “I’ve missed you.” 

“You too,” Max replied faintly, rubbing his thumb against Hanschen’s hand. “How is everyone?” 

“Good, good, most the boys miss you and the girls send their love,” Hanschen murmured, bringing Max’s hands to his lips. “You look tired, my love, get some sleep,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to Max’s forehead. 

“Will...stay?” Max asked, closing his eyes. 

Hanschen nodded, sitting at the foot of the bed. “Of course. Forever.” 

And he did stay forever. At least, for Max’s forever. While he slept, his body stopped fighting, and he was gone, with Hanschen at his side the entire time. At first, Hanschen sat on the bed in shock, unable to process what had happened. Then all the doctors and Max’s parents filed in, and his sense of reality kicked in. Uncontrollable sobs began to pour from Hanschen’s body, gripping to the nearest pillow he could find. Max’s scent still lingered on the pillow, apple blossoms, pine, and a bit of mint. Somehow, sometime, Hanschen’s mother arrived at the von Trenk household, attempting to coax her son out of the bedroom. Hanschen refused to move, even long after Max’s body had been removed. 

Hours of pleading. Hours of yelling, tears, and explaining. The von Trenks wanted answers about their son’s relationship with Hanschen, as well as blaming the boy for Max’s death. Hanschen just wanted to grieve, to take something of Max’s home with him to remember him by. However, in the end, neither party ended up receiving what they wanted, besides Hanschen sneaking up to Max’s room and stealing one of his sweaters before leaving. 

Hanschen knew of first loves fizzling away, or breaking apart. Never had he heard of someone losing their first love to death, especially at the age they were. All he wanted was Max, for the rest of his life. And now this part of life was gone, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos aren't necessary, but greatly appreciated!


End file.
